I still have not opened my package.. Aunt M. tried to open it yesterday... Miss Gracie got the first two letters of her name written on it... Turtle guessed there was a toy in it, and tried to claw it open... Bob told me I better not wait till Christmas...
UPDATE... I wrote that last week, and on Sunday, I caved and opened it... Well I didn't cave.. I finished knitting Turtle an elephant, so I rewarded myself by opening it... It contained the COOLEST set of needles EVER!!!!!!!!! And green and red yarn, and sparkly green yarn (which Turtle says he wants a turtle made out of.) A sock knitting book (Which caused Bob to gasp, and announce that he wanted a pair of socks... OK... maybe he didn't gasp in excitement, but he still said he wanted socks...) A book of knitted baby blankets.. I wish someone I knew was having a baby, so I could start the one I really want to do.. And the most adorable book of quilted baby blankets... (Which makes me really want to buckle down, and learn how to sew a straight line... It's harder than it looks people)... And a quilting package... (Again,... Need to practice my straight line... Maybe after Christmas, when I get all the knitting done I want to do... I'm in the middle of knitting the nephew a hat, mitten, and scarf set... Started it two days ago, and I have the hat and one mitten done.. The second mitten is half done... The scarf is going to take the longest, just because they are soooo boring.)
Now on to the MIL, and why I am currently searching for the BEST possible nursing home to fit that bitch's personality... (and by best... I mean worst..) A long time ago (well before me) Bob and this girl dated for 4 years... Said girl was a complete whore ( it's a known fact)... She cheated on Bob with everyone (maybe even her brother... Ok.. probably not.. But I'm just saying..) Bob hates Hates, hates said girl... Let's call her Michelle (mainly because that's her name)... Anyways, they were together for a long time (longer than some marriages) in fact they were together so long, that according to his mother, everyone thought they would marry (she and Bob's dad included)... But it ended...
About four years ago, Michelle, called the plumbing shop Bob worked for (knowing he worked there.) and requested a plumber (Since only Bob and his helper worked there.. she knew who she was getting)... Bob got to her house, and the girl answered it breast feeding... WHO DOES THAT???? (yes she is married and has a child.. But Bob's convinced she never changed, and swears she's probably still cheating.) Anyways... Onto Bob's mom... And the point of this story... Back in the day, she and Michelle were the greatest of friends... Always out shopping together... Michelle was pretty much the chosen daughter in law that never came to be... (wipe away your tears... The bitch got me instead!!!!)...
So Anyways MIL was recently working two jobs... One at the gas station, and one at a nursing home... Now I knew Michelle also worked at the nursing home, and the MIL would occasionally mention her... Such as the time Michelle got in trouble with the cook... Apparently people complained about the sounds that were coming from the kitchen after hours.. Michelle's story was that they were moving furniture... SERIOUSLY... That was the girl's story... Becky believed the story... (Two of a kind those two) (Bob is also convinced Michelle is still sleeping with her dad's old boss, and he swears that if he were to call her, she'd be more than willing.. If you get my drift..) But anyways... I was under the assumption that the extent of the MIL and The whore's (ummm... I mean Michelle's) relationship was a hi, how are you... I knew Michelle would go in the gas station, because a couple of times Bob stopped in and Michelle was there, and after he would leave, she would say to the MIL "I just can't understand why we can't be friends" (ummm besides the fact that you cheated on him with 50 guys???), or my favorite "I've seen them out before" (Them being Bob and I) "And would like to go up and say hi, but I don't know how it would go.." (This caused me an endless supply of laughing, and crap to tease Bob about.)
But anyways, I thought that was the extent of the MIL and Michelle's relationship.. Hi, Bye...
Until the SIL and I talked in early Sept.... And the SIL, asked me if it bothered me how close Michelle and MIL were.. I was confused... HUH??? SIL told me Michelle was ALWAYS at the gas station with MIL... FOR HOURS... And that when SIL would go in, and Michelle was there, Michelle would make references to SIL, and her hubbie (Bob's brother) and their son acting like she knew them... OR at least knew all about them... Which means that the MIL has been telling Michelle ALL.... Michelle also wanted to know if the BIL would redo her floors (yeah I bet... The BIL once kicked an entire bag of trash on the girl... I LOVE THE BIL... He never would say why he did it... Neither would she... But I have my suspicions... As does the SIL... I'm pretty sure Bob has suspicions about that too.) Anyways, after I got done with awe of this girl's audacity... The SIL then informed me that Michelle made the comment about how she was going to miss the 11 o'clock calls... (the SIL and I both took it to mean, that since the in laws were moving, her daily 11 o'clock calls with the Mil were not going to be occurring..)...
Then the SIL, told me that while she was at the IN LAWS house one evening, Michelle called wanting to know if the MIL would watch her child... The mother in law declined, saying "Turtle and Miss Gracie are here, so I don't think that would be a good idea." Michelle replied with "Oh, you really think that they would have a problem with that??" Ummmm.... seriously... Again I wasn't sure whether to be in awe of this girl, or pissed... Is she nervy or just dumb??? The SIL said that it sounded like if my kids hadn't been there the MIL would have done it... The MIL told Michelle that she didn't think Bob and I would like it if when we came to get our kids, she or her child were also there... Ummm... you think????
Anyways, after I got off the phone with the SIL that day, I called Bob at work... Where I proceeded to ruin his day... We had a huge fight... About his crazy momma, and crap... I thought that maybe Bob had known about her new BFF and ever, and had just not told me.. I mean I just couldn't believe it... Bob was going to call his mom that day, but I said NOOOO, let's just wait... If we see it, then we can say something... If not I'd prefer not to get the SIL in further with the MIL, she has enough problems with that Bitch... I will admit that the next day I showed up at the gas station unannounced in the hopes of seeing them being bosom buddies.. No dice... I had never seen Michelle there.. But after thinking about it, I only went to the gas station at a certain time, on a certain day.... (Friday's after the kids and I went to breakfast.) So there wouldn't have been a problem with me running into her.. If the MIL told her that was the time the kids and I were there...
Anyways, I talked to the SIL last week on Tues... (We hadn't talked since early Sept. I kept missing her calls, she kept missing mine.) And then we talked again Wednesday... And of course the conversation rolled around to the MIL... (Nothing we love more than good I can't stand her more than you can, convo)... SIL asked if I thought MIL and Michelle would still be friends after the in laws move... I said "OH YEAH.. In fact, she'll probably be watching her kid then for sure, since we'll never know." Then the SIL said "there's something I want to tell you about Michelle, but I wasn't sure if you were even upset about how close her and the MIL were... Since you never called me back to tell me the last time.."
She said that the in laws had watched the nephew on a Tuesday... (Tuesday is important, because the kids have soccer practice, so there is pretty much NO chance we will visit them with the kids that day..) Anyways when she went to pick him up, he was outside playing with a little blonde girl and the MIL... The SIL asked the FIL "Who's that." FIL replied with little girl's name.. SIL persisted "Who is it??" (She told me she figured at first that it was one of Bob and The BIL's cousins kids. Or their aunts grandchild, because the aunt was visiting from Texas at the time..) FIL said "Michelle's kid.." SIL, said he said it like umm... duh... who else's kid would it be..
I couldn't believe it.. Well I mean I could... It IS Bob's mother... But still.. WHO DOES THAT??? And let's not even take into the fact that I felt like it was a slap in the face to me, let's ask ourselves why the hell she would do that to her son... KNOWING how upset he was after he and michelle broke up, knowing how much he dislikes her (to this day...)... And she still allowed herself to become sooo close to michelle that she would watch her child, and talk to her on the phone at a specific time... I asked the SIL if it seemed like this child had been there before... The SIL said little girl seemed really comfortable with both the MIL and the FIL, and talked about how she was just running all over the house riding Turtle's motorcycle, playing with Miss Gracie's dolls.... I was pissed... I mean granted it could have been the first time the child had been there, but either way... That is just WRONG.... I told the SIL, that I wouldn't have a problem with it, if the MIL and her had been friends when Bob and got together and that friendship had continued.. But it didn't... I would be ok with it, if she and Bob had dated for like a month and had ended it nicely... But they dated for 4 years, and it ended horribly...
The SIL told me that she had said something to the MIL along the lines of "How would you feel if we called The FIL's ex-wife and became friends with her and had her watching our kids.." (This is something I had said to SIL back when I first found out about the friendship) MIL's response, "Oh that's different... They were married." Well how different can it possibly be when Bob and Michelle's relationship was longer than FIL first marriage, and YOU yourself told me you thought they would be getting married..
I told her that I wasn't even that shocked.. SIL said neither was she, and the BIL response when she told him was "Why are you acting surprised you knew it was coming.."
I ended that phone call by telling The SIL that that settled it, the MIL and I would NEVER wear matching pajamas ( which is a reference to when Bob and I first started seeing one another, and she bought us matching pajama's..) Then I called Bob... (Not immediately.. I had something else to chew him about about..)
The conversation with him went something like "So I heard your mom is watching your ex's daughter.."
"Nooo.."
"Oh yes..." Quick explanation..
"She better not have..."
"Well she did.. And that's it.. Tell that bitch, that she picked her daughter in law.. And I'm done.."
Let's just say Bob took it worse than I did... Apparently he called his mom and screamed at her for 10 minutes... I'm pretty sure it wasn't a pleasant conversation... Bob informed me that he was pretty sure that every other word out of his mouth was the f word..
He said it started out calm..
" I heard you watched the Bitch's kid."
The MIL replied with "I did not." (The SIL, guessed right off the bat, that the MIL tried to lie.. Damn.. SIL had her pegged better than me, and I've been around this woman for 8 years.. The SIL has been around her for only 5.)
Bob busted her "Well SIL said...."
So she tried to talk her way around it, "well it was only that one time... Turtle and Miss Gracie weren't here... I didn't think you guys would mind."
First of all I don't care if Turtle and Miss Gracie were there or not.. The nephew was (which is exactly what SIL said to me.)... If she didn't think we would mind, why wouldn't she have watched the kid when OUR kids were there... Why watch her on a day when she was pretty positive we wouldn't be over, and why bother hiding her best friend status??? And I'm not believing her about it being the first time.. If the woman tried to lie in the first place saying she'd never watched her... Then why not lie and say it was the only time..
Bob told her that it was causing problems in our relationship, that he wasn't having that, That I took it as a slap in the face, and that I was beyond upset... She offered to call me... ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??? Yes.. Please do call.. Please do give me your excuse bull shit... Then maybe you can explain why Michelle was at Turtle's Kindergarten graduation... Standing by herself, no other adults around, not talking to any children (Bob had point blank asked his mom that time if she had sent Michelle... His mom said no, then came back with some excuse about how Michelle's husband had a niece or nephew graduating kindergarten too..) Then she could explain why Michelle would call her to watch her kid, when she has a mother, a father and stepmother, a brother, a stepbrother and stepsister, a husband, and his family (which he obviously has a brother or sister that lives just as close as the MIL if their kid was graduating kindergarten from the same school Turtle was... I'm just not buying that story at this point.. The MIL had to work that day, so I'm thinking she sent Michelle to get pictures... Or for some other sick twisted reason. I'm still not convinced her ultimate goal isn't to get michelle as her actual daughter-in-law... Bob said no way in hell.. But his Momma is a sneaky, lying bitch.. SO who knows what goes on in her tiny brain.)
Anyways... Bob told her that calling me was not a good idea... YOU THINK????? And after screaming at her a while longer, he hung up... She called back two hours later to apologize to him.. saying it would never happen again.. Yeah... ANYONE BUYING THAT??? She called back later that night while we were at soccer saying that if we needed money, she had some for us... My response... "Did she make it babysitting???" Then I bust out laughing asking Bob "Too Soon??" (And wanted to know if he realized she was trying to bribe him..) That's how much of last week was spent... Bob would say something, I'd make a sarcastic comment, and then ask "TOO SOON.." (It really was funny, up until he threatened to open my package and then said "Too Soon?" when I yelled NOOOOOOOOO...)
Needless to say I want NOTHING to do with the MIL... And I told Bob the kids will NOT be spending any time alone with his parents... His mom had wanted the kids to stay for a few days with them on their next break, and had talked about a week in the summer... I told Bob, "I don't know who the hell they would have down there visiting while MY children are there.. Your mom's such a dumb ass she'd have Michelle's kid stay the night while MY kids are there."
Bob says "You're just thrilled, you hate my family anyways.." Blah.. Blah.. Blah...
I want to make it clear... I never had one problem...... with his dad.. But then I asked what his dad had said about it all..
"Not much.. He just said he didn't' think it would be a big deal." Hmm... So your dad is a moron too??? (That explains why he's still married to your mom)
Am I overreacting???? I mean seriously???? I sure as hell don't think so... WHO DOES THAT??
Should I just let it go, and sweep it all under the rug???
Why am I asking??? I'm the kind of person that holds grudges... In fact this is beginning to become the year of the grudges... I got pissed because yesterday his mother called because she wanted to talk to the kids (she called Bob's phone.. At least the bitch knows better than to call me.).. The kids get off the phone with her, and start saying how "Grandma said she missed us, and she wants us to come stay with her, and can we.. When can we??" I was livid.. HOW DARE she put it on my kids, knowing how pissed I am... This woman is SNEAKY... (The SIL has been saying it for years.. I'm catching up to her.) So I started off telling Bob that HE can take the kids to visit, but when he leaves they leave...
"She said it wouldn't happen again.."
"Yeah, she also tried to lie her way out of it.. If you hadn't said The SIL saw it, she would have continued to lie.. And SHE KNEW it would bother you... And she had to have known it would bother me... " (Well in all honesty maybe she didn't think it would bother me.. I am after all the one who asked after Michelle had her daughter and the MIL ran into her, if it looked like Bob.. And other things humorous to me, such as "OMG, maybe michelle and I can have lunch one day and be best friends." What can I say, I like to tick Bob off... And saying things like that really pushes his buttons.. It's amusing... It's who I am.)
Anyways, Bob said "Well if it's going to be like that, I just won't even talk to them.. Because I don't even want to have to deal with it."
Then he said "So just continue your hate fest of 2009..."
HATE FEST??? HATE FEST???? I'm really liking the sound of that.. However yesterday was the wrong day to say that to me.. I was already having a bad day, because of a comment someone had made to me yesterday.... (Which I will not be letting go of for a while.. Who said it?? Figure it out.. Think hard.. Did I talk to you yesterday??? Was it you???)
So am I blowing it out of proportion??? I just cannot believe that woman... Who does that??? I don't care if I am or not.... This has been the year of hate fest, and grudges... And like I told Bob in Sept, "At least now I'm moving on from the last person that pissed me off.. I've got something new to obsess about." Seriously everyone around me (myself included) was sick and tired of hearing about the same thing for four/five months... (My sister was sick of hearing about it the first day, when I talked to her about that item through three states, while proceeding to get drunk for the first time in years)
I mean, it almost seems trivial when I sit and think about it, but then I think about it longer, and get angry... I am so in the right to feel this way...
I'm cleaning out the people in my life that slap me in the face so continue on hate fest of 2009.... Anyone else having their own fest???
(I'll do pet day, fieldtrip day, Miss Gracie's turn at goalie, and other things in the post which I am doing later.. For now I'm going to go knit and calm down... After I call the SIL and we agree on which nursing home/asylum to put the MIL in...)
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
The OTHER H. word.....
Yesterday I got a package in the mail!!! I never get packages.. I knew it was coming.. And I haven't opened it yet.. I'm waiting for the perfect moment.. You know, a moment when I've reached my final straw and need a feel good about my day pick me up... It's driving Bob nuts.. I must admit, that it drove me nuts too, especially since yesterday I drove it around with me.. I shook it, I showed it to my cousin.. I yelled at the kids to get away from it... I told my mom to tell my aunt M. that it might be awhile before she gets her book (I know there's a book in there for my aunt with a post it...) But sadly she will not be getting that book, till I cave and open it.. Until then, I plan on looking at it, and imagining everything that can be in it.. Miss Gracie worried there was a kitten in it, and my cousin said he hoped it wasn't something that was going to go bad... I just want to say thank you Aunt T. It's keeping me entertained, and driving Bob nuts... Maybe I'll wait until a holiday to open it... A special occasion.. Seriously this is not crazy... Regardless of what Bob thinks...
Miss Gracie has a field trip tomorrow, and Turtle conned me into agreeing to bring in the kitten for pet day on Thursday.. I kept saying no, because all I could think of was my cousins pet day 7 years ago when he was Turtle's age, and we took his hamster(the one I bought him for his 5th birthday, the hamster that had lived for two years).. On pet day his hamster jumped off his shoulder, hit the concrete, was too stunned to run, and never recovered.. Two days later it died... Fingers crossed kitty doesn't die due to the stress of the kids.. Turtle gave me a sob story, about how I hadn't believed him about pajama day last week (Only he and one other boy in class hadn't worn their pjs.. apparently the other kids mom didn't believe him either.. All I said was that I thought maybe Turtle was confused on the dates, because I never got a paper saying anything about pajama day) His sob story included being probably the only one in his WHOLE class who didn't get to bring a pet in.. He also informed me that he was going to introduce kitty as Ratchet.. He said he doesn't like the name Fruit Punchy Boy... Turtle has a field trip on the 15th... Only 4 chaperone's are going to be picked from his class.. From a drawing in a hat... A DRAWING!!???!!! Ummm I think not... All I'm saying is that my name better be first drawn from that hat...
Last Friday went better... When I got to Turtle's class they were in the middle of a spelling test.. Turtle started whispering really loudly "Mom.. Hey Mom... I love you." While waving at me.. While I listened to his teacher tell me what she needed done, I saw Turtle lean over to the girl next to him, and whisper (loudly.. poor kid never has learned how to be quiet) "I know!! It's sooooo embarrassing... She's embarrassing me..." Ummmm... What??? Aunt M. told me to stop embarrassing my first grader.. When I asked Turtle about it later that night, he came up with the reply "Oh I wasn't talking about you. You looked beautiful today" Bob told Turtle to just apologize for hurting my feelings, and I'm telling you... That kid thinks I'm embarrassing now, wait till he's an 8th grader, and his momma is busting a move at the valentine dance.. NOW THAT'S EMBARRASSING... And how is my being there more embarrassing than his waving and whisper screaming "MOM... I LOVE YOU.." While copying papers on Friday, it went well until the big machine started flashing and wouldn't do anything.. I asked a mom for help (a mom I hadn't asked before) She said she'd never seen it do that, and went to get a secretary... The secretary that came back with her was the one who has been there since before school was a law (seriously she was there when Bob and I were little) She looked at the copier and said "Hmmm.. It's never done that.. I don't even know what that means.." Yeah... Trust me... They opened a door, messed with some stuff, got it going again, and I didn't have another problem... With the copier...
The staplers... Once again..... I broke THREE!!! Three... The only three in the office workroom... The first one had staples that kept jamming and then it just wouldn't open anymore (Maybe my banging it on the table as hard as I could to dislodge stuck staples might have had something to do with it.).. So I cut my losses and moved on.. In my defense, the second one was already broke.. The spring was gone, so after you stapled once, you had to open it up, push the staples forward, close, staple once, and repeat... I stapled it down once, and it never came back up, or opened, no matter how hard I tried... So I moved on... To the electric... That went really well... The staples only got stuck a couple of times, and after I figured out to push this button and the staples would pop out, I would fix it. And let me tell you I was trucking.. I got down to the last three books to staple... And It quit working.. after hitting the button to open the staple holder.. It refused to open... I picked it up, and tried pushing the button and yanking on it... Then I got smart, unplugged it and kept trying.. A few minutes later, I cut my losses, plugged it back in and got out of there.. I asked Turtle's teacher to borrow hers, I even explained that I was pretty sure I broke all three in the office... She asked what I had done after I broke the third one.. I just looked at her... "Uh... I got out of there." Seriously... I did what any normal sane person would do... His teacher thought that was super funny... I just slunk out to the hallway with the stapler.. And I promised myself that next time, I'm bringing my own stapler...
There is a girl in love with Turtle.. Her name is Rachael... Turtle told me he told her he didn't like her, and she better leave him alone... I told him that sometimes you can't help who you like or love.. Turtle looked at me like I was nuts " I help myself"... It was the way he said it though... I'm guessing she must not have one big tooth... And yesterday he got in the car, telling me how S (the little brat from last year) got punched three times that day... By three different kids... One of them was a girl... And one of the punches caused S. to get unbalanced, and he hit Turtle in the head with his pencil... I just busted out laughing... I mean... Come on.. Three different kids... And one of them was a girl... After I got done laughing, I told Turtle that it was too bad that S. got punched that many times.. It really is... But even the other teachers talk about the kid... The whole school knows who S. is.. One of the kids who hit him was sent to the principals office... This would be the same kid that Turtle mentioned later had said a bad word.. "
"What bad word?"
"The H. one."
"Hell?" I asked..
"Yeah and he said the S. word.."
"Oh." I just kind of nodded because I was picking out Turtle's clothes for the next day and I was busy deciding what to have him wear..
"He also said the OTHER H. word.."
"The OTHER H. word???" I must admit I was stumped.. I stopped to look at Turtle, "Heck?? Holy Cow? Holy Crap??" I could not figure out what another H word was...
"No... He said.." Turtle paused, I think to see if he was going to get into trouble.." He said ASSHOLE"... Then Turtle covered his mouth and started giggling.. I'm pretty sure he was pleased as punch that he had gotten away with saying asshole..
And call me a bad mom.. But I gave up pretending to look horrified, and started laughing myself.. I was so busy laughing at him covering his mouth, and giggling that laugh of his, that I didn't even tell him what that word actually started with...
"And he also said the F. word." Turtle opened his mouth to continue..
"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT." I said, and then we were both laughing again...
Turtle told me that teacher hadn't heard the kid say all these, but that next time Turtle might tell on him... At this rate Turtle might not have any friends by next semester...
Miss Gracie and I had a conversation about her aversion to buttons.. According to her she's allergic... I told her that no one was allergic, and that she was going to have to start wearing buttons... She informed me that if I made her wear buttons, when I got old, she would put buttons on all my clothes EVEN my underwear... And she was not kidding... Seriously, I am soooo looking forward to the teen years with her.. If she's this much fun about clothes now, I can not wait till she wants to wear too short shorts, and hoochie mama skirts, and skin tight shirts... CAN NOT WAIT...
Exactly how much is boarding school????
That's it for now.. It's almost 1 am... But tomorrow I'll be back... I ALMOST had a reason to open my package today... Almost... But then I decided that Bob's mom is a crazy woman, and I am not going to let her drive me to ruin my much anticipated moment... I mean the woman is seriously crazy... It's a long story... Plus I'll have pictures of Miss Gracie at the fire station... For now I'm off to bed...
Who's looking forward to that story??? Will I ever open my package??? Will I be the one that gets to pick the nursing home for the MIL??? Will I ever speak to The MIL again??? (doubtful, with my ability to grudge hold) What exactly is in my package??? Will Miss Gracie ever wear buttons??? Will the kitty croak after pet day??? Stay tuned...
Miss Gracie has a field trip tomorrow, and Turtle conned me into agreeing to bring in the kitten for pet day on Thursday.. I kept saying no, because all I could think of was my cousins pet day 7 years ago when he was Turtle's age, and we took his hamster(the one I bought him for his 5th birthday, the hamster that had lived for two years).. On pet day his hamster jumped off his shoulder, hit the concrete, was too stunned to run, and never recovered.. Two days later it died... Fingers crossed kitty doesn't die due to the stress of the kids.. Turtle gave me a sob story, about how I hadn't believed him about pajama day last week (Only he and one other boy in class hadn't worn their pjs.. apparently the other kids mom didn't believe him either.. All I said was that I thought maybe Turtle was confused on the dates, because I never got a paper saying anything about pajama day) His sob story included being probably the only one in his WHOLE class who didn't get to bring a pet in.. He also informed me that he was going to introduce kitty as Ratchet.. He said he doesn't like the name Fruit Punchy Boy... Turtle has a field trip on the 15th... Only 4 chaperone's are going to be picked from his class.. From a drawing in a hat... A DRAWING!!???!!! Ummm I think not... All I'm saying is that my name better be first drawn from that hat...
Last Friday went better... When I got to Turtle's class they were in the middle of a spelling test.. Turtle started whispering really loudly "Mom.. Hey Mom... I love you." While waving at me.. While I listened to his teacher tell me what she needed done, I saw Turtle lean over to the girl next to him, and whisper (loudly.. poor kid never has learned how to be quiet) "I know!! It's sooooo embarrassing... She's embarrassing me..." Ummmm... What??? Aunt M. told me to stop embarrassing my first grader.. When I asked Turtle about it later that night, he came up with the reply "Oh I wasn't talking about you. You looked beautiful today" Bob told Turtle to just apologize for hurting my feelings, and I'm telling you... That kid thinks I'm embarrassing now, wait till he's an 8th grader, and his momma is busting a move at the valentine dance.. NOW THAT'S EMBARRASSING... And how is my being there more embarrassing than his waving and whisper screaming "MOM... I LOVE YOU.." While copying papers on Friday, it went well until the big machine started flashing and wouldn't do anything.. I asked a mom for help (a mom I hadn't asked before) She said she'd never seen it do that, and went to get a secretary... The secretary that came back with her was the one who has been there since before school was a law (seriously she was there when Bob and I were little) She looked at the copier and said "Hmmm.. It's never done that.. I don't even know what that means.." Yeah... Trust me... They opened a door, messed with some stuff, got it going again, and I didn't have another problem... With the copier...
The staplers... Once again..... I broke THREE!!! Three... The only three in the office workroom... The first one had staples that kept jamming and then it just wouldn't open anymore (Maybe my banging it on the table as hard as I could to dislodge stuck staples might have had something to do with it.).. So I cut my losses and moved on.. In my defense, the second one was already broke.. The spring was gone, so after you stapled once, you had to open it up, push the staples forward, close, staple once, and repeat... I stapled it down once, and it never came back up, or opened, no matter how hard I tried... So I moved on... To the electric... That went really well... The staples only got stuck a couple of times, and after I figured out to push this button and the staples would pop out, I would fix it. And let me tell you I was trucking.. I got down to the last three books to staple... And It quit working.. after hitting the button to open the staple holder.. It refused to open... I picked it up, and tried pushing the button and yanking on it... Then I got smart, unplugged it and kept trying.. A few minutes later, I cut my losses, plugged it back in and got out of there.. I asked Turtle's teacher to borrow hers, I even explained that I was pretty sure I broke all three in the office... She asked what I had done after I broke the third one.. I just looked at her... "Uh... I got out of there." Seriously... I did what any normal sane person would do... His teacher thought that was super funny... I just slunk out to the hallway with the stapler.. And I promised myself that next time, I'm bringing my own stapler...
There is a girl in love with Turtle.. Her name is Rachael... Turtle told me he told her he didn't like her, and she better leave him alone... I told him that sometimes you can't help who you like or love.. Turtle looked at me like I was nuts " I help myself"... It was the way he said it though... I'm guessing she must not have one big tooth... And yesterday he got in the car, telling me how S (the little brat from last year) got punched three times that day... By three different kids... One of them was a girl... And one of the punches caused S. to get unbalanced, and he hit Turtle in the head with his pencil... I just busted out laughing... I mean... Come on.. Three different kids... And one of them was a girl... After I got done laughing, I told Turtle that it was too bad that S. got punched that many times.. It really is... But even the other teachers talk about the kid... The whole school knows who S. is.. One of the kids who hit him was sent to the principals office... This would be the same kid that Turtle mentioned later had said a bad word.. "
"What bad word?"
"The H. one."
"Hell?" I asked..
"Yeah and he said the S. word.."
"Oh." I just kind of nodded because I was picking out Turtle's clothes for the next day and I was busy deciding what to have him wear..
"He also said the OTHER H. word.."
"The OTHER H. word???" I must admit I was stumped.. I stopped to look at Turtle, "Heck?? Holy Cow? Holy Crap??" I could not figure out what another H word was...
"No... He said.." Turtle paused, I think to see if he was going to get into trouble.." He said ASSHOLE"... Then Turtle covered his mouth and started giggling.. I'm pretty sure he was pleased as punch that he had gotten away with saying asshole..
And call me a bad mom.. But I gave up pretending to look horrified, and started laughing myself.. I was so busy laughing at him covering his mouth, and giggling that laugh of his, that I didn't even tell him what that word actually started with...
"And he also said the F. word." Turtle opened his mouth to continue..
"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT." I said, and then we were both laughing again...
Turtle told me that teacher hadn't heard the kid say all these, but that next time Turtle might tell on him... At this rate Turtle might not have any friends by next semester...
Miss Gracie and I had a conversation about her aversion to buttons.. According to her she's allergic... I told her that no one was allergic, and that she was going to have to start wearing buttons... She informed me that if I made her wear buttons, when I got old, she would put buttons on all my clothes EVEN my underwear... And she was not kidding... Seriously, I am soooo looking forward to the teen years with her.. If she's this much fun about clothes now, I can not wait till she wants to wear too short shorts, and hoochie mama skirts, and skin tight shirts... CAN NOT WAIT...
Exactly how much is boarding school????
That's it for now.. It's almost 1 am... But tomorrow I'll be back... I ALMOST had a reason to open my package today... Almost... But then I decided that Bob's mom is a crazy woman, and I am not going to let her drive me to ruin my much anticipated moment... I mean the woman is seriously crazy... It's a long story... Plus I'll have pictures of Miss Gracie at the fire station... For now I'm off to bed...
Who's looking forward to that story??? Will I ever open my package??? Will I be the one that gets to pick the nursing home for the MIL??? Will I ever speak to The MIL again??? (doubtful, with my ability to grudge hold) What exactly is in my package??? Will Miss Gracie ever wear buttons??? Will the kitty croak after pet day??? Stay tuned...
Friday, September 18, 2009
It's under control
The kids had the flu last week.. Well I'm still not convinced Turtle had it.. Or maybe he did, just not as bad as Miss Gracie.. He puked Friday night (in wal-mart.) I figured it was from being up late (it was 9 pm.. 2 hours after normal bedtime).. He said he felt fine, and he went home with Aunt M. to stay the night... When I called the next morning to make sure they were all up and getting ready for the kids soccer game, Aunt M. told me that Turtle had puked 4 times that morning... But by the time, Bob and I got there He was on his third Popsicle (the kid always promises that a Popsicle will fix him, and surprisingly it does.)... And that was the end of his flu...
Miss Gracie began at 3 am Monday morning, when she got in my bed and told me her belly hurt... By 7 that morning, she had puked 4 times.. (Lovely...) She puked on the couch while getting ready to take Turtle to school, and on the car ride to school Turtle yelled "Eeww, she's puking on herself." She puked when I got to the store to run in and get her some 7 up... She puked on the way home... And I lost count after that.. I know that by 4 pm.. she was done.. Just in time for Bob to get home and miss out on all the fun... He got to be all sympathetic to her feeling icky.. I on the other hand was out of sympathy (I ran out of sympathy the third time she puked on the couch...) I was also out of blankets (which I was wisely throwing on top of the couch), towels, laundry detergent... So that was how the first part of the week went...
Turtle got in the car Monday, and told me that he had gotten his name written down... "FOR WHAT??" I was imagining him doing something atrocious.. "Because I was so good, and I was recognized.. I even got an extra skittle today.." Ohhh... the lure of the elusive skittle... Apparently his teacher put up an apple sign with three lines, to write the names of children who are recognized for something.. He was recognized for getting out his journal before literacy when the kids were told too, and for not talking while he was doing it... (I'm thinking kissing butt might be hereditary)... He was so proud of himself, adding "and mine was the only name up there." On Tuesday he told me that he was still the only one... I really need to stop making this child so competitive.. It can't be healthy..
Miss Gracie and I spent Tuesday working on her about me poster for preschool... Let's just say... it was a beautiful work of art.. Or as Turtle put in when he walked in the door after school that day and showed it to him "Why's it look so messy?" I thought that was hysterical... I asked Bob what he thought about it (After Miss Gracie was asleep) his reply, "I don't remember anything he ever did looking that messy." I just laughed and pointed out how completely different they are.. Turtle's room is clean, Miss Gracie's looks like a bomb exploded..Turtle takes extreme care of his clothes (usually.) while Miss Gracie can have something on for 5 seconds and it will have 5 stains on it.. Not to mention Miss Gracie looks like she's falling apart when she gets in the car after school, and Turtle ends up looking cleaner than when he went in...
Poor Miss Gracie's teacher, every time she puts Miss Gracie in the car, she explains to me in bewilderment "She had her hair in her braids all day, she just took them out as we were walking down the hall to get in the cars." Or "She had me tie the tie on her dress to play on the playground, and as soon as we got back in the school she made me untie it." as her dress ties drag the ground.. Or my favorite was when My sisters picked her up and the teacher told them "a little boy stepped on the ribbon to her skirt, and yanked it out of it's loopholes, it's in her bag" (I still haven't' found that ribbon.) Oh well New teacher will soon get used to Miss Gracie's habits.. Eventually she will be like teacher from last year, and just have Miss Gracie's hair things around the room.. and will just wonder why I bother to make her look presentable to drop her off... Let me tell you getting Miss Gracie ready is a battle... The child has two closets full of clothes (I'm talking stuffed), stacks and stacks of jeans... And very rarely does she wear half of it.. it can't tie or button (even if the tie and button are fake).. I am so over it... So very very over it... I'm ready just to let her dress herself, and then when she's 16 embarrass her with the pics.. Are all little girls this difficult when it comes to clothes???? Ughh... I'm pretty sure she's going to miss quite a few days of school, because she refuses to change out of her hello kitty pajamas...
We put a picture of her choking kitty (I mean hugging him) for under the caring question.. (Just so you know she shows people she cares by loving.) She's a star because God made her a star, and that's what he wanted her to be.. Her favorite food is a pink sandwich, and when she grown up she wants to be an allergic doctor.. Those were some of her more interesting answers to her beautiful poster...
And today was my third day of helping Turtle's teacher.. One would think that by the third time, one would have gotten a handle on things... Ummm... No that is not the case.. The folding of little books went well.. And then came time for the copying... Stupid Stupid copy machines... I copied the first three pages with ease... I thought "Holy crap, I've got this down pat..." But then I came to a page that needed front and back... So I graciously let another mom step in and use it, while I proceeded to look busy organizing my folder of stuff... After her 15 minutes of copying, she gave me the copier back, telling me thank you... "Oh.. No problem.. Oh by the way, can you show me how to do this?" Again.. Only she doesn't know that every time I walk into this room, i hit someone new up for help... She showed me how to do it, I assured her I understood, and she walked out... So I tried to do it... Only As the first paper was going through I realized I hadn't taken the stupid post it off, so I grabbed the paper, started slamming my finger on the clear button, and wrested my paper from the grip of the machine.. (Trust me it had a good grip.. Now that I think about it, I'm lucky that I didn't rip it.) And then the stupid machine was beeping at me, telling me something about a control panel... I don't know what the hell was going on.. All I know was that I was starting to sweat, and the two other moms had ceased talking to watch my struggle to save my paper... The stupid thing just kept beeping and flashing error something about the control panel.. It all worked out... At least I think it did.. I'm not sure.. I was losing oxygen to my brain, wondering if I would have to buy a new copy machine...
After that went so well I moved on to the printer for big printing jobs.. I put in my page.. and hit 43... And the printer started spitting them out.. Only after I looked, Umm... Lots of the page was cut off.. I hadn't put it in right... So I tried again.. And this time managed to clear it after only about 20 copies.. Lets just say that about 130 mistake pages later, I had finally figured out how to put the page in there to get it to copy like it should.. (Instead of throwing my 130 pages of mistakes in the recycle bin in front of the moms who one can only assume were in awe of my competency.. I folded them up, and stuck them in the back of my folder vowing to throw them away, the minute I was in a room alone.) I managed to copy the workbook pages front and back with little trouble.. Except that the front page was upside down from the back.. But whatever... It's first grade... And then I realized I had lost my keys....
I went back to the room I had been in folding books ( I was almost running....) My keys were right there on the counter.. Thank god.. I snatched them up all calmly, and mom copying said "Oh were those yours? I was wondering who they belonged to." "Yep they were mine.. I set them down there, So I wouldn't have to carry them around.." I'm not sure she bought it.. But whatever.. I proceeded to find a stapler, fill it full of staples, cut the pages for another little book, piece them together and staple... Seriously... Who in this world cannot staple??? Ummm.. as of this morning, I can add myself to that list.. Although in my defense the first stapler was from 1963... (or somewhere in that time span)... The books were ending up with more holes than staples.. Staples were getting caught... I was having to pause and try to yank them out.. I had more screwed up staples in a pile, than I did in the books.. I complained to my new found Friday mom soul mate.. She was having trouble with the copy machine in the room.. After the 45th time of saying, after this I give up.. She actually did... She complained that she didn't know what was wrong with the copier, but that she was going to the office to give it a try there.. I didn't rain on her parade by telling her that I was pretty sure there was something wrong with the copiers in there too.. I just smiled, nodded, and told her I was going to keep working on my stapler.. Which by that point in time, wouldn't open, or push down anymore... And when I tried tugging it open really hard, this um... part that wasn't supposed to come off... Well it did.. So I just sat it down, so I could be like "What?? I didn't even realize there was a stapler next to me.."
I threw away all that mistake paper.. And then watched a mom I've decided I can't stand use the copier in that room with no problems.. (So much for problems with that one.) After ten minutes of watching her competency I asked if there was a stapler in the room that she knew of.. (I stood in front of the antique stapler that was no longer working, thereby depleting it's eBay value)... "Just the one I'm using." Hmmm... That's what that is??? Then she says all snotty... "Give me a minute and I'll unplug it, and bring it too you.." I refrained from saying... "I'll do it myself, you should spend your time watching your kid.." She was giving him all kinds of scrap paper to stuff into the shredder.. (He's like two)... Last time, he was playing with the die cut stuff.. I'm telling you this kid is going to get his hand shredded or smashed.. But not my problem... Instead I just waited until stupid competent left.. And made my way over to the electric stapler that she had been using..
I tried to do it like she had.. Really fast... Stick it in, yank it out.. But umm... it didn't go well.. My paper kept getting snagged in it... And staples weren't going all the way through... I decided to spend my time waving at Turtle's class... They were lined up outside the room I was in, waiting to sign a banner that was hung up at the high school football game tonight... I mean there's only so many "Hey there's Turtle's mom!!" "Turtle's Mom HI!!" that I can ignore.. I'm just thrilled that they aren't still saying "Nick's mom is here." I'm really hoping that Nick's mom is terribly attractive... I'm going to be pissed at a classroom full of kids if the first time I see her she's wearing a tshirt, sweatpants, tennis shoes, a pony tail, and no make up.. After waving at all 20 of them (a few of them that I actually know from ball, and other classes, more than once)... I went back to stapling, but then I decided that the stapler must be out of staples, but after realizing that the staples didn't magically refill in the amazing electric stapler, I just got the hell out of there.. Now those staplers are someone else's problem... (I'm really hoping there aren't camera's in there..)
I instead borrowed Turtle's teacher's stapler, and proceeded to staple to my hearts content... Only I was done in 5 minutes after borrowing it... And she had just shut the door, to start their math test... So I stood out in the hall listening her telling them to go to their desks and get out their privacy folders.. Then I heard her praise my child not once but twice... "Look how quiet Turtle is being." "Does everyone see how Turtle has done what I asked and is ready to begin. Let's try to be like him." Ummm.. can I just say that the first time I was all proud.. But the second time she pointed him out, I was a little panicked.. If she's pointing him out twice in less than 5 minutes, making an example of him, how many times a day does she do that?? My poor kid is going to have NO friends by the time second grade rolls around.. Instead he's going to get his butt kicked on the playground for being such a showy, suck up... Well crap...
So with the math test underway, I stood in the hallway for the next 20 minutes, panicking because I needed to leave to be able to pick up Miss Gracie on time.. And I didn't want to interrupt the test... This whole working at the school is making me sweat way too much... First about the copiers, then about staplers, then about maybe being late to get Miss Gracie.. I also passed the time, by talking to other adults roaming the hallway... Well maybe they weren't roaming.. They did look like they had a purpose... Like Miss Gracie's teacher from last year, who was there subbing.. And she tried to take her class to lunch 15 minutes too early... And to the mom who came to stand outside the classroom next door.. (She was there to eat lunch, and she assumed that's what I was there for... Apparently She missed the huge folder and all my fancy stapled little books... ) Then when I noticed that finally Turtle's class was lining up at the door for lunch, I went back in the room..
I told her I was sorry that I hadn't had a chance to glue the banner together Or use the laminating machine... actually I really wasn't sorry about not learning how to master that machine... After the time I had with the stupid copiers and the stupid staplers.. I was not looking forward to laminating my hand, or god forbid someone else's hand.. And god only knows how much a laminating machine cost to purchase.. I figure I can handle the cost of a first edition stapler..
Right as I was walking out of the room, A little boy got his hand smashed by a desk, so I was asked to walk him to the nurse.. Umm.. I don't even know where the nurses office is.. And I was running late.. And starting to panic.. But I did it.. Making conversation with the crying boy who walked as slow as he possibly could.. (didn't he know he should have done this before the math test?? Not right before lunch???) I asked his name, and then when I told him I had heard Turtle talk about him, his tears stopped..
"He does??"
"Yeah.. I've heard him talk about you."
"I didn't know that.. Does he talk about how we're good friends."
"Ummmm.. Yeah.. He does.." Actually After thinking about it, Turtle has never said anything about this kid being his friend... The only thing I've heard Turtle really say about this kid, was that he had more stickers that Turtle did (and only because I had taken Turtle out of school to go to the dentist... Which for as long as I live Turtle will never forgive me for..) And just this week, Turtle told me I was right because he had passed this little boy in stickers and gotten to pick out of the reward box twice now, and this kid hadn't.. ( I had told Turtle not to worry that O. had more stickers that Turtle would probably pass him.) See there's that horrible competitive thing I'm doing to Turtle.... Anyways, I left O. in the care of the nurse thinking that he and Turtle are bff's.... (only after O. led us to the nurse's office..) And got to Miss Gracie's school...
Seriously.. Let's hope the stapler's are fixed before next week.. And also that Turtle's teacher doesn't fire me from my volunteer position because of some minor inadequacies... Let's also hope the class parents aren't' seeing My fancy stapling attempts (meaning 55 holes and only one staple), and asking what moron doesn't know how to staple... Soccer game tomorrow, and the kids have a birthday party to go to on Sunday... When they got the invitation, Turtle walked in saying T. invited me to his birthday party.. (Turtle made no mention of the fact that Miss Gracie had also been invited..) But the invitation was made out to both of them.. Yeah.. Turtle's whole life is ruined because Miss Gracie was invited... Age 6 is sooo hard.. Yeah wait until you are 28 and realize you never learned how to staple properly...
Miss Gracie began at 3 am Monday morning, when she got in my bed and told me her belly hurt... By 7 that morning, she had puked 4 times.. (Lovely...) She puked on the couch while getting ready to take Turtle to school, and on the car ride to school Turtle yelled "Eeww, she's puking on herself." She puked when I got to the store to run in and get her some 7 up... She puked on the way home... And I lost count after that.. I know that by 4 pm.. she was done.. Just in time for Bob to get home and miss out on all the fun... He got to be all sympathetic to her feeling icky.. I on the other hand was out of sympathy (I ran out of sympathy the third time she puked on the couch...) I was also out of blankets (which I was wisely throwing on top of the couch), towels, laundry detergent... So that was how the first part of the week went...
Turtle got in the car Monday, and told me that he had gotten his name written down... "FOR WHAT??" I was imagining him doing something atrocious.. "Because I was so good, and I was recognized.. I even got an extra skittle today.." Ohhh... the lure of the elusive skittle... Apparently his teacher put up an apple sign with three lines, to write the names of children who are recognized for something.. He was recognized for getting out his journal before literacy when the kids were told too, and for not talking while he was doing it... (I'm thinking kissing butt might be hereditary)... He was so proud of himself, adding "and mine was the only name up there." On Tuesday he told me that he was still the only one... I really need to stop making this child so competitive.. It can't be healthy..
Miss Gracie and I spent Tuesday working on her about me poster for preschool... Let's just say... it was a beautiful work of art.. Or as Turtle put in when he walked in the door after school that day and showed it to him "Why's it look so messy?" I thought that was hysterical... I asked Bob what he thought about it (After Miss Gracie was asleep) his reply, "I don't remember anything he ever did looking that messy." I just laughed and pointed out how completely different they are.. Turtle's room is clean, Miss Gracie's looks like a bomb exploded..Turtle takes extreme care of his clothes (usually.) while Miss Gracie can have something on for 5 seconds and it will have 5 stains on it.. Not to mention Miss Gracie looks like she's falling apart when she gets in the car after school, and Turtle ends up looking cleaner than when he went in...
Poor Miss Gracie's teacher, every time she puts Miss Gracie in the car, she explains to me in bewilderment "She had her hair in her braids all day, she just took them out as we were walking down the hall to get in the cars." Or "She had me tie the tie on her dress to play on the playground, and as soon as we got back in the school she made me untie it." as her dress ties drag the ground.. Or my favorite was when My sisters picked her up and the teacher told them "a little boy stepped on the ribbon to her skirt, and yanked it out of it's loopholes, it's in her bag" (I still haven't' found that ribbon.) Oh well New teacher will soon get used to Miss Gracie's habits.. Eventually she will be like teacher from last year, and just have Miss Gracie's hair things around the room.. and will just wonder why I bother to make her look presentable to drop her off... Let me tell you getting Miss Gracie ready is a battle... The child has two closets full of clothes (I'm talking stuffed), stacks and stacks of jeans... And very rarely does she wear half of it.. it can't tie or button (even if the tie and button are fake).. I am so over it... So very very over it... I'm ready just to let her dress herself, and then when she's 16 embarrass her with the pics.. Are all little girls this difficult when it comes to clothes???? Ughh... I'm pretty sure she's going to miss quite a few days of school, because she refuses to change out of her hello kitty pajamas...
We put a picture of her choking kitty (I mean hugging him) for under the caring question.. (Just so you know she shows people she cares by loving.) She's a star because God made her a star, and that's what he wanted her to be.. Her favorite food is a pink sandwich, and when she grown up she wants to be an allergic doctor.. Those were some of her more interesting answers to her beautiful poster...
And today was my third day of helping Turtle's teacher.. One would think that by the third time, one would have gotten a handle on things... Ummm... No that is not the case.. The folding of little books went well.. And then came time for the copying... Stupid Stupid copy machines... I copied the first three pages with ease... I thought "Holy crap, I've got this down pat..." But then I came to a page that needed front and back... So I graciously let another mom step in and use it, while I proceeded to look busy organizing my folder of stuff... After her 15 minutes of copying, she gave me the copier back, telling me thank you... "Oh.. No problem.. Oh by the way, can you show me how to do this?" Again.. Only she doesn't know that every time I walk into this room, i hit someone new up for help... She showed me how to do it, I assured her I understood, and she walked out... So I tried to do it... Only As the first paper was going through I realized I hadn't taken the stupid post it off, so I grabbed the paper, started slamming my finger on the clear button, and wrested my paper from the grip of the machine.. (Trust me it had a good grip.. Now that I think about it, I'm lucky that I didn't rip it.) And then the stupid machine was beeping at me, telling me something about a control panel... I don't know what the hell was going on.. All I know was that I was starting to sweat, and the two other moms had ceased talking to watch my struggle to save my paper... The stupid thing just kept beeping and flashing error something about the control panel.. It all worked out... At least I think it did.. I'm not sure.. I was losing oxygen to my brain, wondering if I would have to buy a new copy machine...
After that went so well I moved on to the printer for big printing jobs.. I put in my page.. and hit 43... And the printer started spitting them out.. Only after I looked, Umm... Lots of the page was cut off.. I hadn't put it in right... So I tried again.. And this time managed to clear it after only about 20 copies.. Lets just say that about 130 mistake pages later, I had finally figured out how to put the page in there to get it to copy like it should.. (Instead of throwing my 130 pages of mistakes in the recycle bin in front of the moms who one can only assume were in awe of my competency.. I folded them up, and stuck them in the back of my folder vowing to throw them away, the minute I was in a room alone.) I managed to copy the workbook pages front and back with little trouble.. Except that the front page was upside down from the back.. But whatever... It's first grade... And then I realized I had lost my keys....
I went back to the room I had been in folding books ( I was almost running....) My keys were right there on the counter.. Thank god.. I snatched them up all calmly, and mom copying said "Oh were those yours? I was wondering who they belonged to." "Yep they were mine.. I set them down there, So I wouldn't have to carry them around.." I'm not sure she bought it.. But whatever.. I proceeded to find a stapler, fill it full of staples, cut the pages for another little book, piece them together and staple... Seriously... Who in this world cannot staple??? Ummm.. as of this morning, I can add myself to that list.. Although in my defense the first stapler was from 1963... (or somewhere in that time span)... The books were ending up with more holes than staples.. Staples were getting caught... I was having to pause and try to yank them out.. I had more screwed up staples in a pile, than I did in the books.. I complained to my new found Friday mom soul mate.. She was having trouble with the copy machine in the room.. After the 45th time of saying, after this I give up.. She actually did... She complained that she didn't know what was wrong with the copier, but that she was going to the office to give it a try there.. I didn't rain on her parade by telling her that I was pretty sure there was something wrong with the copiers in there too.. I just smiled, nodded, and told her I was going to keep working on my stapler.. Which by that point in time, wouldn't open, or push down anymore... And when I tried tugging it open really hard, this um... part that wasn't supposed to come off... Well it did.. So I just sat it down, so I could be like "What?? I didn't even realize there was a stapler next to me.."
I threw away all that mistake paper.. And then watched a mom I've decided I can't stand use the copier in that room with no problems.. (So much for problems with that one.) After ten minutes of watching her competency I asked if there was a stapler in the room that she knew of.. (I stood in front of the antique stapler that was no longer working, thereby depleting it's eBay value)... "Just the one I'm using." Hmmm... That's what that is??? Then she says all snotty... "Give me a minute and I'll unplug it, and bring it too you.." I refrained from saying... "I'll do it myself, you should spend your time watching your kid.." She was giving him all kinds of scrap paper to stuff into the shredder.. (He's like two)... Last time, he was playing with the die cut stuff.. I'm telling you this kid is going to get his hand shredded or smashed.. But not my problem... Instead I just waited until stupid competent left.. And made my way over to the electric stapler that she had been using..
I tried to do it like she had.. Really fast... Stick it in, yank it out.. But umm... it didn't go well.. My paper kept getting snagged in it... And staples weren't going all the way through... I decided to spend my time waving at Turtle's class... They were lined up outside the room I was in, waiting to sign a banner that was hung up at the high school football game tonight... I mean there's only so many "Hey there's Turtle's mom!!" "Turtle's Mom HI!!" that I can ignore.. I'm just thrilled that they aren't still saying "Nick's mom is here." I'm really hoping that Nick's mom is terribly attractive... I'm going to be pissed at a classroom full of kids if the first time I see her she's wearing a tshirt, sweatpants, tennis shoes, a pony tail, and no make up.. After waving at all 20 of them (a few of them that I actually know from ball, and other classes, more than once)... I went back to stapling, but then I decided that the stapler must be out of staples, but after realizing that the staples didn't magically refill in the amazing electric stapler, I just got the hell out of there.. Now those staplers are someone else's problem... (I'm really hoping there aren't camera's in there..)
I instead borrowed Turtle's teacher's stapler, and proceeded to staple to my hearts content... Only I was done in 5 minutes after borrowing it... And she had just shut the door, to start their math test... So I stood out in the hall listening her telling them to go to their desks and get out their privacy folders.. Then I heard her praise my child not once but twice... "Look how quiet Turtle is being." "Does everyone see how Turtle has done what I asked and is ready to begin. Let's try to be like him." Ummm.. can I just say that the first time I was all proud.. But the second time she pointed him out, I was a little panicked.. If she's pointing him out twice in less than 5 minutes, making an example of him, how many times a day does she do that?? My poor kid is going to have NO friends by the time second grade rolls around.. Instead he's going to get his butt kicked on the playground for being such a showy, suck up... Well crap...
So with the math test underway, I stood in the hallway for the next 20 minutes, panicking because I needed to leave to be able to pick up Miss Gracie on time.. And I didn't want to interrupt the test... This whole working at the school is making me sweat way too much... First about the copiers, then about staplers, then about maybe being late to get Miss Gracie.. I also passed the time, by talking to other adults roaming the hallway... Well maybe they weren't roaming.. They did look like they had a purpose... Like Miss Gracie's teacher from last year, who was there subbing.. And she tried to take her class to lunch 15 minutes too early... And to the mom who came to stand outside the classroom next door.. (She was there to eat lunch, and she assumed that's what I was there for... Apparently She missed the huge folder and all my fancy stapled little books... ) Then when I noticed that finally Turtle's class was lining up at the door for lunch, I went back in the room..
I told her I was sorry that I hadn't had a chance to glue the banner together Or use the laminating machine... actually I really wasn't sorry about not learning how to master that machine... After the time I had with the stupid copiers and the stupid staplers.. I was not looking forward to laminating my hand, or god forbid someone else's hand.. And god only knows how much a laminating machine cost to purchase.. I figure I can handle the cost of a first edition stapler..
Right as I was walking out of the room, A little boy got his hand smashed by a desk, so I was asked to walk him to the nurse.. Umm.. I don't even know where the nurses office is.. And I was running late.. And starting to panic.. But I did it.. Making conversation with the crying boy who walked as slow as he possibly could.. (didn't he know he should have done this before the math test?? Not right before lunch???) I asked his name, and then when I told him I had heard Turtle talk about him, his tears stopped..
"He does??"
"Yeah.. I've heard him talk about you."
"I didn't know that.. Does he talk about how we're good friends."
"Ummmm.. Yeah.. He does.." Actually After thinking about it, Turtle has never said anything about this kid being his friend... The only thing I've heard Turtle really say about this kid, was that he had more stickers that Turtle did (and only because I had taken Turtle out of school to go to the dentist... Which for as long as I live Turtle will never forgive me for..) And just this week, Turtle told me I was right because he had passed this little boy in stickers and gotten to pick out of the reward box twice now, and this kid hadn't.. ( I had told Turtle not to worry that O. had more stickers that Turtle would probably pass him.) See there's that horrible competitive thing I'm doing to Turtle.... Anyways, I left O. in the care of the nurse thinking that he and Turtle are bff's.... (only after O. led us to the nurse's office..) And got to Miss Gracie's school...
Seriously.. Let's hope the stapler's are fixed before next week.. And also that Turtle's teacher doesn't fire me from my volunteer position because of some minor inadequacies... Let's also hope the class parents aren't' seeing My fancy stapling attempts (meaning 55 holes and only one staple), and asking what moron doesn't know how to staple... Soccer game tomorrow, and the kids have a birthday party to go to on Sunday... When they got the invitation, Turtle walked in saying T. invited me to his birthday party.. (Turtle made no mention of the fact that Miss Gracie had also been invited..) But the invitation was made out to both of them.. Yeah.. Turtle's whole life is ruined because Miss Gracie was invited... Age 6 is sooo hard.. Yeah wait until you are 28 and realize you never learned how to staple properly...
Thursday, September 10, 2009
It's my birthday.. Time for peace and happiness.. And damn it stop hitting your brother...
We have been super busy... Bob started his new job on Tuesday... He ended up with the biggest work truck ever... We had to take a tour of it the first night he brought it home... Apparently it is the most coveted truck in all the business.. All I can say is it's huge, takes up to much space, and has the ugliest most colorful painting on the side of it.. Then the first night he brought it home, he disappeared outside at about 10 pm for half an hour... When he came back in I made a joke about him hanging out with his truck.. Only it wasn't a joke, he was actually outside in it "locking it up" according to him.. Then on Sat (he got the truck Fri.) I had thought Bob was in the living room, only when I looked he wasn't around, I asked the kids where he had went and they were just as mystified as me, until he finally came back in the house... He was back in his truck "getting some tools.." Tools for what?? Cause he sure didn't do anything around the house on Sat. Let's just say he has been out numerous times after that, visiting with the "other woman"... Should I be worried??? And this morning he had to leave an hour early because a motivational speaker was coming in to talk to all the workers (18 of them managed to show up for the motivational speech.. Maybe if they'd scheduled it for later than 7 am, more of them would have been motivated to show up.).. Bob described it, and honestly it sounded a little less motivational, and a little more revivaly... (Think chanting, and standing up and yelling.. along with some stomping.. ) And an assignment... Read the book, come back to the meeting in two weeks, and tell Mr. Motivation how the book changed your life... I was dying... I offered to highlight and write margin notes, but Bob failed to see the humor in it.. (I think the company owner, might be a quack.. Which is a shame, because I like his mom... Oh well.)
Miss Gracie started preschool on Wednesday... This is us waiting in the car for the 40-45 minutes before we could go in
... Did I mention that?? Turtle gets dropped off at 7:40... And then taking the long way, pausing at stop signs for a full minute we are at the preschool 3 minutes later (4 if there's fog, and that's going over 5 "goosebumps" as Miss Gracie calls the speed bumps..) Where we get to sit until 8:30.. I had planned to let her play at the playground on Wednesday, but it was so foggy, we could barely even see the playground.. So we instead sat in the car arguing about how to fix her hair.. I suggested a ponytail, since a search of the car only produced one of her tiny hair things... She screamed for Laura Braids.. Guess who won... She ended up with my hair things in, which took up a lot of the braid.. Oh well... Tomorrow we are painting our nails to kill time.. Nothing like nail polish fumes at 8am to get your child started off to school right...
... Did I mention that?? Turtle gets dropped off at 7:40... And then taking the long way, pausing at stop signs for a full minute we are at the preschool 3 minutes later (4 if there's fog, and that's going over 5 "goosebumps" as Miss Gracie calls the speed bumps..) Where we get to sit until 8:30.. I had planned to let her play at the playground on Wednesday, but it was so foggy, we could barely even see the playground.. So we instead sat in the car arguing about how to fix her hair.. I suggested a ponytail, since a search of the car only produced one of her tiny hair things... She screamed for Laura Braids.. Guess who won... She ended up with my hair things in, which took up a lot of the braid.. Oh well... Tomorrow we are painting our nails to kill time.. Nothing like nail polish fumes at 8am to get your child started off to school right...
And true to her word she didn't cry... She was so big and brave.. And I was relieved when a new little girl walked in the classroom (Only Miss Gracie and another little girl were going to be in the class.. And the other little girl had a brother that had been in Turtle's preschool class, and nothing against them.. But they (that family) were a bit of odd ducks.. The mom just seemed really juvenile, of course that 
could be the pigtails she constantly wore.. Whatever.).. But I'm thinking new girl and Miss Gracie might not get along that well.. Apparently new girl told Miss Gracie to wash her hands, and Miss Gracie told new girl that she had to use the bathroom, and then she would wash her hands.. Well thank you very much.. Seems like there might be a power struggle for role of boss with those two..
could be the pigtails she constantly wore.. Whatever.).. But I'm thinking new girl and Miss Gracie might not get along that well.. Apparently new girl told Miss Gracie to wash her hands, and Miss Gracie told new girl that she had to use the bathroom, and then she would wash her hands.. Well thank you very much.. Seems like there might be a power struggle for role of boss with those two..
(ignore the spot on her dress.. She held the perfume bottle too closely to herself...)
She spent her first day playing exclusively with D. her favorite little boy from last year... Bob was not thrilled about her playing with D.. And he wasn't kidding.. He was having fits about her playing with a boy... However he has no problem with the fact that so far this year Turtle has been in love with Big Tooth Girl, One of Miss Gracie's friends (because this girl gives him hugs.. She's a grade below Turtle) and Today Turtle spent recess chasing some girl whose name he doesn't know.. Yes.. He has no problem with Turtle being in love with all females age 4-10.. But he has a problem with Miss Gracie playing with a boy... Hmmm.... Let's hope the motivational book helps him see the error of his ways... (I'll suggest that as his life changing event.)
Miss Gracie and I are both thrilled with the fact that she already has an all about me poster to do.. (She's already drawn all over it... Making it her own.. Without waiting for assistance, or reading of questions on it.. I told her she can explain why her name is written in all the spots.) And we are ecstatic that we have memory versus to learn, and homework every Friday.. Some of us are more ecstatic than others..
If you guessed that I am the one not as ecstatic as her you guessed right... Why would I not be ecstatic... Umm because Mon-Fri. Turtle has math homework, and he has a new book that he has to read to me Every night.. And there are spelling words to learn before Wednesday (and then challenge words to learn before Fri.) And then we also have popcorn words to memorize before Friday... His agenda has to be looked over and signed daily (or god forbid he doesn't get 1 of the two skittles he gets a day).. A folder comes home Monday with a bazillion papers from the week before, to be looked over and the folder has to be signed (papers have to be corrected if there's an x.. (So far we haven't corrected any... I'm not sure if any needed corrected, or if I'm just subconsciously like screw it. I'm thinking I might be covering x's with my finger.. Or maybe my eyes are blurring from having to spend between an hour to two hours doing all of this..) We spell in the car, we spell in the shower, we spell at dinner.. We bribe popcorn words with money... First grade SUCKS!!!! But I'm pleased to say that Turtle looks forward to doing his homework AS SOON as we walk in the door... Never mind taking your shoes off, or having a rest period... OH NO... It has to be done RIGHT THEN... And heaven forbid you say you need to grab a coke, or pee, or answer the phone.. The whole world has to stop for homework time... On Thursday's I make Turtle save everything for Bob... I must admit though that it is really cool when he reads you the little books they send him home with... Pretty soon he might be able to read homework instructions and all I'll have to do is double check them... (He got all his spelling words right on his test on Wednesday... But he missed 4 in the two sentences he has to write.. We have no idea what sentences she will give... But he missed a capital letter, a period, he completely left a word out of the sentence, and I'm not sure what the 4th mistake was.) I've promised that if he's a Spelling Star next week (gets all words and sentences right.) He can rent a ps2 game and play to his heart's delight... He's determined to get it..
He's also now doing the school fundraiser... If he sells 150 of the items, he wins 100 bucks (plus all the other toys.) He got in the car first thing today, telling me he's going to win that money.. The kids already got it spent... (Last week he told me he needed to get a lot of money.. When I asked why, he said that if he was rich, all the girls would love him... And He's 6???? What girls is he hanging around in first grade???) He's already hours behind the neighborhood kids though... Since 4:30 pm today, I've already had 4 kids at my door wanting me to buy trash bags.... Seems like that 100 dollars is a big motivator... So anyone need trash bags????
I myself WON....... Teacher's helper (ok maybe won isn't the right word.. Bob looked at me like I was crazy, when I danced around the living room, all excited after Turtle's teacher called and choose me over the two other moms who had offered to help her...) I'm going in once a week (Friday's when Miss Gracie is at school) to copy, staple, and press out die cuts, and whatever else she needs me to do...(Miss Gracie, Bob, and I all had first days of some sort within a week.) And may I just say when I walked in the die cut room, I had to breathe deep.... That stuff is awesome!!! I just want to be in charge of that room, and cut all the shapes that every teacher needs out... And I will say, that I secretly fixed all the shapes that were out of alphabetical order.. They are supposed to be in order.. But they weren't... So I'd look around, and start switching... Making sure no one else saw me being crazy... I'm nervous about going in tomorrow.. What if I don't remember how to use the copiers (There are 3... each used for different things.) I had enough trouble last week with the paper cutter ( You know I hate sharp objects.) And with the staple remover... (Damn staples didn't want to come out.) And when I dropped 0ver 100 itty bitty die cut apples all over the stupid floor...
But I did run into my most fav. teacher ever... I had her about 20 years ago for 2nd and 3rd grade... And I was thrilled to see her... She told me not to tell anyone that she had taught me... It was crazy... She's retiring in 5 years, so Miss Gracie is going to have to skip a grade to get a spot in her class (5th grade)...
Bob just shakes his head at me and says "I can't believe you're sucking up, and you aren't even in school!!!" I'm pretty sure that's code for OMG I'm so jealous you get to hang out in the school office, and keep an eye on Turtle.. Don't you think????
I was a bit mystified when a little girl in Turtle's class asked me last week if Turtle was going to be a street performer... Ummm... WHAT??? I just looked at her and said "I don't think so." And then she said "Well then he'll probably be a naked fireman." What the HELL is my kid doing in school???? I said "Oh he better not be that." Little girl tried to assure me with what she has assumed is an appropriate career for my child "Oh.. He'll probably wear underwear when he climbs the ladder." Note to self... Keep my child away from her... And sneakily question Turtle as to whether these are his life ambitions....
I turned 28 today.. (I know I'm sick to my stomach myself... I just keep getting closer to THIRTY...) Aunt B. is at the top of my favorite people list.. She called and wished me happy 21st today.. Aunt M. is at the bottom, she wished me happy 30th... I bought myself clearanced cupcakes since no one in my household was thoughtful enough to bake for me.. (12 large cupcakes for $2.50 and the only thing wrong with them, was that 9 of them had been turned over.. Crap.... in this economy you just scrape the icing off the box, and re spread it.. I was quite thrilled with my discounted find.) The kids loved the upside down cupcakes... It was pretty exciting to see who could have more icing scraped out of their cupcakes spot in the box.. And my kids behaved really really well today.. Mainly because as soon as they started to whine, or fight I'd yell "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY... IT'S A DAY OF PEACE AND HAPPINESS. AND I'M NOT PUTTING UP WITH ANY CRAP TODAY..." God, I almost wish everyday could be my birthday... I could probably trick the kids with the it's my birthday once a month... I could tell them that when you hit my age, god gives you a lot of birthdays to make up for being old... Anyways... I don't want to talk about aging anymore...
And here are some pictures of some of the stuff I have knitted recently (and some not so recently)... Most of them, except for the baby hat and blanket were done since Aug.. (The baby stuff was done for a baby shower.)
These are for the X-Mas tree... Eventually when I have enough, they get knitted together to make garland.. I got the pattern from this knitting site.. Their finished product is much better than mine... When I get the garland finished I'm planning on Christmas stockings, a tree skirt, and a bunch of ornaments... I decided that this year everything on the tree will be homemade (fingers crossed) all the ornaments the kids have made, and will make, plus what I've done, any of Bob's from when he was a kid, and let's not forget the Big Blue Ball I made in 4th grade.. (Which sadly is no longer as big as my head... Either the papermache ornament is shrinking or my head is increasing.)
This is what I knitted Aunt B. for her 21st...I told her since she's now 21, it's time she found out what male anatomy looks like... It's a chap stick holder.... And a key chain... It's already better than any actual male.. It can multi-task...
I've only made one scarf for car loader ladies so far... I need to get back to the
store to get some more of that green.. (for the school colors..) But if I don't Oh well... I'm over the scarf making.. It was freaking boring...
And here is a purse I made...
I'm not liking the ribbon.. I think it needs to be a double sided pattern... But I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.. I made it a little bigger than what the pattern said... So, I was just thrilled it didn't make it to screwy...
And the baby blanket and hat... (The bow is tied all crappy from Miss Gracie checking it out.)
And that's pretty much all that I could find right now.. There's probably more stuff floating around...
The kids have a soccer game Sat.. and then they are supposed to be in a parade on Sunday (but I'm only letting them do it if Bob rides on the float with them.. Any one want to sit with me and watch the parade roll by?? (We can push little kids out of the way to get some broken suckers, melted chocolate, and ran over smarties for ourself.)
I better get my old almost 30 year old self to bed.. I might get 5 hours of sleep tonight!!!!!!Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Soccer star, and student of the week...
Ughh.. I have been sick... It was only a cold, but it seemed to drag on.. And just got worse.. Yesterday (Tuesday) was pretty much spent in a fog.. (for me) I'm still not sure how I made it to Turtle's school to pick him up.. I wondered if I had left people jumping out of the way of my van.. Oh well, I made it.. And since I was for the most part unconscious yesterday (couldn't breathe, was running a fever, sore throat, my muscles hurt so freaking bad, I literally yelled when I sat down on my leg wrong) Miss Gracie found stuff to amuse herself with.. She put green food coloring in the toilet... And all over my freshly washed dishes that I hadn't put away yet... (I'm thinking about all day kindergarten for her when the time comes around.)
And Bob can NEVER EVER let me have more than half a day of being sick... Seriously.. Ok once he let me be sick for a whole day, but then surprise, surprise he was sick the next day and it was way worse than mine (according to him) well this time was no different.. I told him yesterday morning how horrible I felt... I swear, after we got off the phone he must have ran around looking for a bee, wasp, hornet.. whatever.. Because imagine when he got home yesterday, complaining that he had been stung while at work (his neck really was swollen.. a little) He figured he had been stung at least 5 times.. And it was making it hard for him to breathe, and it hurt, and boo freaking hoo.. I rolled my eyes, told him to throw something cold on it, and I went to bed (it was like 5:30)... The man got up this morning and went to the freaking emergency room... Over A BEE STING... Are you kidding me??? Their diagnosis, take some benadryl and put some ice on it... Let's hope the man never seriously has anything wrong with him.. He's a hypochondriac, taking any and all medication known to man... So when he got home, and started whining about how he didn't feel good, I asked if he'd taken the er's advice.. Why no he hadn't... Can you feel the sympathy I had for him???
But I'm feeling much better... And last Friday when Turtle got home, and I was going through his folder, I came across a paper telling me my child had been chosen for student of the week.. WHOOOO.... First week, and Turtle won... And he wasn't even there the whole week, since he'd left two hours early one day... I told Turtle, and he started pumping his fists in the air, going "YEAH!!! THE FIRST ONE!!!" In hindsight, I'm thinking I might be making my child into this competitive monster that he's fast becoming... My grandmother keeps pointing out how competitive I am (I swear I used to never be like this), and I think it's rubbing off on Turtle.. I made a comment about how I wasn't perfect, or right or something, and Turtle was all shocked, "You aren't??" Like it was some amazing news bulletin.. I told Bob I was really going to work on this bossy, controlling, competitive thing I have going for me... His response, "You don't need to work on that, you've got that down." But anyways, the honor bestowed on Turtle was bringing in his favorite book, his favorite snack, and his favorite toy/collection/trophy/hobby/etc...
Is there any doubt as to what he took in???? 
He took in three transformers, and also a picture of him with most of his transformers (I say most, because We were tired of transforming them, and it was getting late, and seriously, you can tell how obsessed he is with them, just by how many are in the picture.) That's actually a picture of the picture, because my printer isn't hooked up to my computer at the moment (Thanks Bob).. The kid is crazy about transformers.. His goal in life.. Is to help make the movies... Today while we were sitting in line, waiting to drop him off at school, he pointed out a yellow "Bumblebee" four cars in front of us.. "Do you think that's him?" "Do you think he'll transform?" Ummm.. yeah probably not... And the other day he wanted to know if wishes came true if you made them during the day, I told him that they might.. He sighed, and said none of his wishes were coming true, when I asked what he had wished for, he told me he had wished it would rain transformers.. Yeah well good luck with that wish... (I have suggested that when he helps make that transformer movie he makes a minivan transformer, he told me heck no, that's not cool..)..
He took in three transformers, and also a picture of him with most of his transformers (I say most, because We were tired of transforming them, and it was getting late, and seriously, you can tell how obsessed he is with them, just by how many are in the picture.) That's actually a picture of the picture, because my printer isn't hooked up to my computer at the moment (Thanks Bob).. The kid is crazy about transformers.. His goal in life.. Is to help make the movies... Today while we were sitting in line, waiting to drop him off at school, he pointed out a yellow "Bumblebee" four cars in front of us.. "Do you think that's him?" "Do you think he'll transform?" Ummm.. yeah probably not... And the other day he wanted to know if wishes came true if you made them during the day, I told him that they might.. He sighed, and said none of his wishes were coming true, when I asked what he had wished for, he told me he had wished it would rain transformers.. Yeah well good luck with that wish... (I have suggested that when he helps make that transformer movie he makes a minivan transformer, he told me heck no, that's not cool..)..He also took in his transformer book, and at first he wanted scooby snacks for school.. So we sent Bob to the store.. Bob came home with Scooby gummi's... So we put off taking them in, because Then Turtle decided he wanted transformer gummi's... Only the next day Bob didn't bring either one home, and he made it seem like a big deal him running back to town.. So Turtle ended up taking the Scooby Gummi's.. I told him next time we would get something good.. Because there will be a next time.. There just will... The class newsletter that came out Monday, said That Turtle "has been doing an outstanding job following the rules and on his class work. Way to go."
We got a call Monday, from Miss Gracie's preschool, saying that they are going to do a third 4/5 year old class, but that in order to do that, everyone had to have payments in by Wednesday.. (Let's hope everyone else made their payment today).. The bad news is is that the new class they are starting is going to be a morning class, but the director asked if I still wanted afternoons, and I said yes (explaining how that way I will only have to drive to that town and back 6 times a day, where as if Miss Gracie is in mornings, I will be driving there 8 times a day, unless I hang out there for over an hour every morning..) She said that she was pretty sure I would be able to get her in the afternoons (they were probably calling the kids who already knew they were in who had wanted mornings but didn't get it, to see if they still wanted mornings..) Director sounded very frazzled... So fingers crossed, we made our payment, she's going... I'll refuse the money back.. lol..
Miss Gracie and I have been having lots of chats about how to act in school.. If you remember she got in trouble for shoving not one but two little boys one day towards the end of last year.. (What can I say, she's a heathen..)... We have ample opportunity to chat, while watching the kindergartners play while we are waiting on Turtle... On Monday, we were sitting in the van, and we see a little boy come out of one of the doors.. "Oh the Kindergartner's must be coming out to play. Do you see C." C is Miss Gracie's friend from last year.. "No.. I don't see anyone else." Sure enough.. There was no one else coming out with this lone little boy, who kept glancing behind him, as he made a run to the slides.. He was having a good time out there by himself, a couple of minutes later, another kindergarten class came out to play, and one of the women got out of her car, to say "Umm.. Another kid just came out of one of these rooms.. And he was alone, and his class never came out." Teacher says "Oh, I see him." Then she grabbed him.. And that kid was not going down without a fight... He was kicking, Screaming, and Sobbing.. She had to carry him like a football, and she was struggling to bang on his class room door.. His actual teacher had to pull him into his room, where even though the windows were shut Miss Gracie and I could hear him screaming for 15 minutes, like he was right next to us.. We watched the whole thing go down with our mouths hanging open.. "He's in big trouble isn't he?" "Yeah he is.." "I always do what teacher tells me, if it's not time to play, it's not time to play." I'll bet that kid becomes a legend...
On Saturday.. The kids had their first soccer game.. Aunt B. thought it was mean of me to say that Miss Gracie wasn't very good.. What I meant is that compared to the kids on her team, and that she's playing against she's not.. And it has nothing to do with her.. It has to do with the fact that she's four, these kids are 6 and 7... This is her first year, most of the other kids have played at least a year or two.. And I think Aunt B. understood what I was talking about when this is where Miss Gracie was during the third quarter of the game..
That's right.. She was not sitting with the other kids on her team who were also not playing that quarter.. She wasn't rooting for her team.. In fact I'm not even sure she knew the game was still going on.. She was instead eating a hot dog, and getting peeved with me, Aunt B. and my mom for cracking up about how she wasn't really participating.. She'd only managed to eat about half her hot dog, when the third quarter ended and Turtle came running towards us, yelling "Come on, Daddy, wants you." Miss Gracie choose to ignore him, and Turtle ran back to his team, which Bob had in a circle giving them some pep talk worthy of a trophy.. "She won't come dad. She's eating a hot dog.." Turtle yelled.. Bob looked over to me, and did this crappy hand motion, like "Get her out here." So I had to hold Miss Gracie's hot dog, while she ran to play the last quarter..
I was proud they actually moved her up that last quarter to be a forward, and not a defender.. (Although she had great fun, when she was being a defender.. Look at her making a friend.
Miss Gracie also got to go to her friend J.'s party on Saturday.. Of course she was the first one picked up.. J's mom never really gave me a time to pick her up.. I figured almost two hours was good.. Apparently not.. But I'd say Miss Gracie party was a success, they played tag, pin the tail on the donkey, played on the swing set, ate pizza, watched J. open gifts, and got a goody bag.. Miss Gracie is already wanting to know if she can go to the next party.. I'm not even sure she cares who is having the party... As long as there's stuff to do, pizza, and a goody bag with candy, she's there... We've been talking about what if J's not in her class this year (just in case Miss Gracie does get stuck in mornings) Miss Gracie said that's fine, she'll still go to school, and make new friends... I'm just hoping she doesn't sob and have to be pried off of me this year...
It should go easier this year right???
Oh Bob is taking the new job.. He gave his two weeks.. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so crappy with him.. Not that it's not a good opportunity for him.. It's just that I don't feel he asked enough important questions.. Questions I thought were important.. And he never really discussed it with me... (not to my satisfaction) Umm.. does he not know that's not how things work around here??? So we'll see.. I'm getting a little ticked thinking about how he just decided and gave his two weeks without letting me know.. I might go smack him in his emergency room worthy neck sting....
PS. Aunt T. I am looking for your email.. If I can't find it I will get it from M.
Friday, August 21, 2009
I Like them Short....
We have been busy.. And I am so super freaking tired... I HATE MORNINGS... I will probably begin every single post with that fact, from here on out... Yesterday Turtle got to leave school early to go to the dentist... I wasn't real happy with how they just let me sign him out, and take him.. They never checked ID, or asked who I was... All they asked was his name and his teacher's name.. Which seriously, I could have found any name on a list on open building night... They called down to his room, to have him come to the office, and then she motioned to a piece of paper "Just sign him out on that." Really?? That's it??? No id check, No who are you??? What if I was a non custodial mother or something?? For about 20 seconds I debated writing Lucy Ricardo on the paper.. But I didn't... Only because I figured that next time I went in, they'd all be calling me Lucy... She never even glanced at the paper, never even bothered to look to see if I was dragging Turtle out or if he was going willingly.. She was too busy helping some kid look through the lost and found to find a black cup of water he'd had on his desk... In his class.. Yeah, because someone turned in a cup of water in the last 5 minutes...
Anyways... I thought they were going to be filling two teeth.. But I think they filled three.. I was told at his cleaning there were two that needed filled.. But whatever.. Here's Turtle getting all set up...
He was extremely nervous, because last time it hurt.. They put the gas on him, and he refused to smile for me.. Until it took effect... Then he started making strange noises.. "What are you doing? Being an elephant?" I asked this, because I had just told him that was what he looked like... "No, I'm a cow!!!!" And then he made these noises, that trust me to those of us not on the laughing gas did not sound like a cow.. Well maybe a cow stuck in a well.. A giggly cow stuck in a well..
They filled his teeth, and there was not one bit of whining from him!!! I was super impressed.. He got to pick a toy, and a sticker, and then we went to McDonald's, where we ran into Bob... Turtle later told us, he felt like he was a cow, and that he was pretty sure the chair he was sitting in was spinning around really fast... (Next time I'm requesting the gas.. It sounds pretty darn good to me.)
But before we left the dentist, once they told me Turtle was good to go until Feb. I told them I wanted to set up an appointment for Miss Gracie.. Lucky us, they had a cancellation, so she got in this morning at 9:30... She was not happy... Before we went she told me she hated the dentist and that she would go next year... Turtle had been busy telling her all kinds of stuff.. "If they want a picture of your teeth, only let them do the big thing that goes around your head, not the little pictures, or you will be sorry.." "It's going to hurt." "They are not nice.. You will not like them." On and on...
She had a blast.. In fact she loves the dentist.. She did exactly as they asked her to, and I figured she would be a sobbing, clinging mess... But she wasn't I was so impressed... Best of all, at least in her mind, she got to pick an Ariel toothbrush (Ariel's her fav. Disney girl.)
Best of all, in my mind... She had no cavities.. Which really makes me wonder.. Miss Gracie is addicted to junk food.. She's been guzzling my pop while we are waiting on Turtle to get out of school, Turtle on the other hand doesn't really eat a lot of Candy (not like her) he does however like fruit snacks, and that kid is strictly a milk drinker (and occasional water).. In fact two weeks ago, when he started throwing a fit about being thirsty (he just wanted to go in Burger King) I tried to hand him my coke.. He refused (Miss Gracie didn't, she proceeded to gulp down as much as she could before I took it back) Turtle started yelling at me "You know we aren't supposed to have Pop.. It's bad for us.. I'm going to tell Daddy, and then you are going to be in trouble.." Sheesh... Who made that kid part of the pop police???? Anyways, I figured that if Turtle needed those teeth filled, Miss Gracie probably needed ALL of hers filled.. Nope.. And Turtle was PISSED!!!!
"NONE??? She's done??? Well that's just BRILLIANT!!" that was said sarcastically... So then we got into a lengthy discussion about how Miss Gracie brushes way more than him, and for a lot longer.. He vowed to brush more, (in fact he when we got home, he brushed right away.) He said that next time he's going to be the one that has none, and Miss Gracie will have tons of cavities (he is soooo competitive.).. Once he got over his jealousy and being incredulous, he told her good job, said she was brilliant (with no sarcasm) and high-fived her...
But Miss Gracie's big day didn't end there... We went to the video store tonight... While we were there, she made me fix her hair back into her Laura braids (Laura Ingalls) which she had taken out about an hour earlier.. I obliged, and we picked our movies... When we got up to the checkout, I got a good look at the front of her hair, and I noticed something weird... All her bangs were swished to the side.. "Hold on, let me fix your bangs." I stooped down, to pull her bangs away from the sides of her head (I figured I had just pulled them to the sides when I was braiding her hair.) Only when I went to swipe them from the sides, I realized that her bangs were no longer....
As in no longer there...
"OH MY GOD!!!!! WHERE ARE YOUR BANGS???" I shrieked loud enough for everyone in the store to hear.. It hit me... "WHO CUT YOUR BANGS???"
"I did. I told you they needed cut." I just stared at her... Well yes she had told me she wanted them cut, but I had told her not yet (I swear I had just cut them a couple of weeks ago)... Apparently she figured she had warned me and Since I hadn't done it, she took matters into her own hands...
"WHAT SCISSORS DID YOU USE???"
"Mine.." Hmm... I thought I'd taken away her scissors months ago, when I caught her cutting up things she wasn't supposed to.. Apparently she found a new pair (That might explain why Turtle couldn't find his last week.)
I just stood there staring at her in disbelief, and then I bust out laughing... Because it was funny... Once I started laughing.. Everyone else did.. (Seems like they were all waiting to see what way it would go.) One of the women behind the counter started telling me about the time she was little and cut her own hair..
We also had meet the teacher night tonight, and Bob got offered a new job today... The pay is better, the benefits are WAY better.. But we'll see... Tomorrow we have to pick up soccer uniforms, Saturday is Soccer pictures (Oh my god, Miss Gracie and her hair... Well maybe she can stand in back of all the kids.) Soccer game, and then Miss Gracie has her very first birthday party to go to... Let's just hope she doesn't talk them into playing beauty shop... (5 bucks says the one little girl that had to have everything Miss Gracie had last year (backpack, shoes, shirt, and even her favorite color were changed to match) , cuts her hair like Miss Gracie's...)
Anyways... I thought they were going to be filling two teeth.. But I think they filled three.. I was told at his cleaning there were two that needed filled.. But whatever.. Here's Turtle getting all set up...
He was extremely nervous, because last time it hurt.. They put the gas on him, and he refused to smile for me.. Until it took effect... Then he started making strange noises.. "What are you doing? Being an elephant?" I asked this, because I had just told him that was what he looked like... "No, I'm a cow!!!!" And then he made these noises, that trust me to those of us not on the laughing gas did not sound like a cow.. Well maybe a cow stuck in a well.. A giggly cow stuck in a well..
They filled his teeth, and there was not one bit of whining from him!!! I was super impressed.. He got to pick a toy, and a sticker, and then we went to McDonald's, where we ran into Bob... Turtle later told us, he felt like he was a cow, and that he was pretty sure the chair he was sitting in was spinning around really fast... (Next time I'm requesting the gas.. It sounds pretty darn good to me.)
But before we left the dentist, once they told me Turtle was good to go until Feb. I told them I wanted to set up an appointment for Miss Gracie.. Lucky us, they had a cancellation, so she got in this morning at 9:30... She was not happy... Before we went she told me she hated the dentist and that she would go next year... Turtle had been busy telling her all kinds of stuff.. "If they want a picture of your teeth, only let them do the big thing that goes around your head, not the little pictures, or you will be sorry.." "It's going to hurt." "They are not nice.. You will not like them." On and on...
She had a blast.. In fact she loves the dentist.. She did exactly as they asked her to, and I figured she would be a sobbing, clinging mess... But she wasn't I was so impressed... Best of all, at least in her mind, she got to pick an Ariel toothbrush (Ariel's her fav. Disney girl.)
Best of all, in my mind... She had no cavities.. Which really makes me wonder.. Miss Gracie is addicted to junk food.. She's been guzzling my pop while we are waiting on Turtle to get out of school, Turtle on the other hand doesn't really eat a lot of Candy (not like her) he does however like fruit snacks, and that kid is strictly a milk drinker (and occasional water).. In fact two weeks ago, when he started throwing a fit about being thirsty (he just wanted to go in Burger King) I tried to hand him my coke.. He refused (Miss Gracie didn't, she proceeded to gulp down as much as she could before I took it back) Turtle started yelling at me "You know we aren't supposed to have Pop.. It's bad for us.. I'm going to tell Daddy, and then you are going to be in trouble.." Sheesh... Who made that kid part of the pop police???? Anyways, I figured that if Turtle needed those teeth filled, Miss Gracie probably needed ALL of hers filled.. Nope.. And Turtle was PISSED!!!!"NONE??? She's done??? Well that's just BRILLIANT!!" that was said sarcastically... So then we got into a lengthy discussion about how Miss Gracie brushes way more than him, and for a lot longer.. He vowed to brush more, (in fact he when we got home, he brushed right away.) He said that next time he's going to be the one that has none, and Miss Gracie will have tons of cavities (he is soooo competitive.).. Once he got over his jealousy and being incredulous, he told her good job, said she was brilliant (with no sarcasm) and high-fived her...
But Miss Gracie's big day didn't end there... We went to the video store tonight... While we were there, she made me fix her hair back into her Laura braids (Laura Ingalls) which she had taken out about an hour earlier.. I obliged, and we picked our movies... When we got up to the checkout, I got a good look at the front of her hair, and I noticed something weird... All her bangs were swished to the side.. "Hold on, let me fix your bangs." I stooped down, to pull her bangs away from the sides of her head (I figured I had just pulled them to the sides when I was braiding her hair.) Only when I went to swipe them from the sides, I realized that her bangs were no longer....
As in no longer there...
"OH MY GOD!!!!! WHERE ARE YOUR BANGS???" I shrieked loud enough for everyone in the store to hear.. It hit me... "WHO CUT YOUR BANGS???"
"I did. I told you they needed cut." I just stared at her... Well yes she had told me she wanted them cut, but I had told her not yet (I swear I had just cut them a couple of weeks ago)... Apparently she figured she had warned me and Since I hadn't done it, she took matters into her own hands...
"WHAT SCISSORS DID YOU USE???"
"Mine.." Hmm... I thought I'd taken away her scissors months ago, when I caught her cutting up things she wasn't supposed to.. Apparently she found a new pair (That might explain why Turtle couldn't find his last week.)
I just stood there staring at her in disbelief, and then I bust out laughing... Because it was funny... Once I started laughing.. Everyone else did.. (Seems like they were all waiting to see what way it would go.) One of the women behind the counter started telling me about the time she was little and cut her own hair..
All I know is that for the next hour, all I had to do was look at Miss Gracie and I was cracking up.. I think I hurt her feelings.. She got all huffy and said "WELL I LIKE THEM SHORT."
"Oh those are short all right.." And then I wondered where it was that she had cut them, and so I asked, and then I asked where the hair had went.. I had never noticed her cutting her hair, or hair on the floor anywhere...
"In my room.. I put the hair in a box." Umm.. ok.. As a keepsake?? Or to hide from me?? Because there was no way she could hide that...
I told Bob that at least it was only her bangs, and not a huge chunk of hair, But I know better.. She loves her Laura braids wayyyyy to much to ever cut those.. And then I told Bob, that I probably shouldn't take any naps while it's only her and I at home... She might decide that she likes my bangs short too... If that were to happen, trust me... NO ONE would be laughing... Least of all me..
We also had meet the teacher night tonight, and Bob got offered a new job today... The pay is better, the benefits are WAY better.. But we'll see... Tomorrow we have to pick up soccer uniforms, Saturday is Soccer pictures (Oh my god, Miss Gracie and her hair... Well maybe she can stand in back of all the kids.) Soccer game, and then Miss Gracie has her very first birthday party to go to... Let's just hope she doesn't talk them into playing beauty shop... (5 bucks says the one little girl that had to have everything Miss Gracie had last year (backpack, shoes, shirt, and even her favorite color were changed to match) , cuts her hair like Miss Gracie's...)
Sunday, August 16, 2009
First loves... That's embarrassing..
Turtle's first day of school went well.. He is such a morning person.. It's disturbing... No really.. It is.. He's all smiley, and giggly like being up at the crack of dawn is the greatest thing ever... Not so the rest of us.. Miss Gracie yanks the covers over her head, grumbles, and moans, and then after dropping Turtle at school in the mornings she yells at me wanting to know Why I signed Turtle up for all day... Yeah... Like I did that... Then she lectures on how she could still be sleeping, and how she's going to be sooooooo tired... Join the club Missy, because I'm the leader... 
He was all excited his first day... Even though we knew that The shit kid from last year was in his class this year. (The kid that I promised Turtle would NOT be in this years class.) Turtle was not very happy about that, but I told him that Shit kid (no that was not the name I used) would have 18 new kids to pick on that he would leave him alone.. (So far he has... But shocker of all shockers Shit Kid got in trouble the second day of school for kicking and hitting a little girl in the back.. I was pissed, because I love that little girl, she always tells me how beautiful I look, and if I wear lots of eye makeup she's VERY impressed with me... She's an awesome ego boost.. lol.)
He wasn't nervous until we got into his class.. He shook his teachers hand, and choose his seat, and then when his teacher asked if he knew anyone, he pointed to the little boy across from him. Miss E asked if he knew his name, and Turtle looked at the teacher with a look that said, oh my god... Is she a moron.... And that was really the only reaction he gave... He was too busy doing his nervous thing.. He gnaws his lip and his finger... 
I kept asking him to smile... Three pictures later I got this....
I kept asking him to smile... Three pictures later I got this....
Doesn't he look sick to his stomach??? And his eyes are just a little too bright... Miss Gracie and I hightailed it out of there... To go home and worry... We were first in the pick up line (are you surprised???) and Miss Gracie's best friend J. and her mom came up to our van, where we both discussed how our kids were that first morning.. She was pretty thrilled that her son hadn't had diarrhea that morning... She told me she'd looked for Turtle at lunch since she's working at the school, but that she hadn't seen him... And then my favorite car loader lady came to the car, asked who Turtle's teacher was and said she'd looked all over for him that day... But that she hadn't seen him either... I was like oh shit.. Maybe he hid in the bathroom all day, and no one noticed he was missing...
I was thrilled to see him come busting out of the school, with his massive grin on... He'd had an awesome day... Lunch was fun... The library was awesome, and one day soon they are going to have gym class.. What's gym class? And when is his next day off.... He made a new friend, he doesn't know his name only that he wore a red shirt. (Hope he recognized him the next day.) And on recess..... He found... KATIE.....
Who is Katie??? Only his lady love... The most beautiful girl in the world.. She's even prettier than Miss Gracie (according to Turtle.) He went up to her on the playground, told her it was payback time, and has proceeded to chase her for the past three recesses with his friends.. And he assured me he has way more friends than Katie.... On the second day of school, we saw her get off her bus "Oh there she is.. She's wearing purple today... She's beautiful..." Ummmm ok... The girl looked like she'd slept in her clothes and rolled out of bed.. I don't think she'd seen a hairbrush in weeks... Miss Gracie at least gets her hair combed and brushed for school and other important events.. Not so Miss Katie.... He had math homework on Thursday, and at the end of the page, he had to circle a number and then draw that many friends.. He drew three, and then he wrote J and T's name... And when I asked who the third friend was he started giggling saying it was Katie... I mean the kid was blushing... So I helped him spell her name, and after every letter he would giggle, cover his mouth, and then blush... When we finished, he kept giggling saying he couldn't turn it in... (He did)....
We went to dinner with my mom and dad Friday night, and the conversation turned to Katie.. My mom asked what made her so beautiful... With his eyes shining with amazement, he said....
"She has ONE big tooth."
Oh My GOD... I almost died.. I thought I was going to choke on my salad... I could not stop laughing... Which hurt Turtle's feelings... "Well she does.. She has one big tooth, and all her other teeth are little."
Oh so she must be more advanced than the other little girls.. Come 8th grade he's going to like the girls that have boobs... For first grade it's little girls who have not only lost a tooth, but who have a full fledged adult tooth... And since the dentist told Turtle it's going to be a while before he loses anyone, he's very impressed by her.... I told my mom about how I had never seen her with combed hair, and Mom asked Turtle if she had that "Just got out of bed, don't care how I look attitude going on." Turtle said yes, sighed and said she's beautiful....
I told all about seeing her get off the bus, and then I said that next time I saw her I was going to roll down my windows and scream "HI KATIE!!!!!!" Turtle was giggling covering my mouth telling me no way... I would scare her and she would run away because Katie doesn't know me.. I told him that I would then yell "HEY IT'S ME!!! I'M TURTLE'S MOM!!!" Turtle could not stop giggling, begging me to stop... He finally told me no because I would embarrass him... Are you kidding me??? You are in first grade.. If me saying hi to Katie at age 6 is going to embarrass you, you are in a world of trouble when you hit 15, and I accompany you to the movies... Now that might be embarrassing... As will the story of how your first true love attracted you with her ONE BIG TOOTH... I'm still laughing about that...
But back to school... On Thursday I asked if his teacher was nice... "No she screams and yells at all of us." Hmmmm... really... I have heard lots of good things about her... The best being that "She won't put up with that bullshit." Pertaining to shit kid, from a mom of one of Miss E.'s former students... "So Miss E. is screaming and yelling for no reason??? DO I need to go in there and scream and yell at her???" Turtle started grinning.. "Yeah you are fibbing aren't you... What would you have done if I had went in yelling at her because you just lied to me." He just thought that idea was hysterical.. Apparently me yelling at his teacher would not be embarrassing... just saying hi to Katie...
Turtle told me that if they (I'm not sure who they is.) asks whether he wants morning or afternoons, he wants to stay in mornings.. I tried explaining that there is no choice he'll always be going all day now , he said that just in case they ask he wants mornings... He was ticked he only got two days off for the weekend, and I told him that in a couple of weeks he'll have a three day weekend.. "Oh I see how it works.. And then after that I get a four day weekend?" Ummmm... Yeah... Noo... that's not how it works... So he wanted to know why I made him go that much... I tried explaining the GOVERNMENT makes him go that much... So then we had to discuss who the government was... Then Turtle wanted to know how come the government got to decide that if it was God who made everything including the rules.. So I explained about how God gave us free choice... Which Turtle wasn't getting... The whole conversation ended with "NEVER MIND... YOU HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL.. THAT'S IT... THE END."
Well I myself better get to bed... This getting up to get him to school by 7:40 is also kicking my butt... Thursday night I fell asleep at 8, on the couch, and refused to wake up when Bob tried to get me up... I proceeded to sleep until after 7 the next morning... And I still felt tired... You wouldn't think there was a big difference between 7 am and 9 am... But there is... And I'm feeling it...
Meet the teacher night is this week, plus soccer practice, first soccer game this weekend.. There's about 800 million other things to do, Turtle has a dentist appt. this week, Aunt B.'s 21st birthday is this week, Cousin B.'s 14th birthday is this week.. And I am still not on a schedule that is working for me... And Miss Gracie is fourth on the waiting list for her preschool (yeah I was a bad mama and just kept putting it off all summer.. Hey it was summer, and we were busy enough as it was. Anyone know any four or five year olds living around me?? I need three more kids for a whole new class at the preschool.. I told the preschool directors I would be recruiting in the grocery store if need be.. Heck I'll even pick the kid up and take them home.. Fingers crossed that works out and that Miss Gracie and her bff J. end up in the same class..)
Ok seriously.. Bed.. Well maybe bath and bed.. Well maybe bath, knitting, and bed.. I came up with a most excellent Idea.. I'm knitting scarves in school colors for the car loader ladies (well the ones I really like, that always put Turtle in and out of the car) for Christmas.. I figure they probably always get overlooked, and they are standing out in the cold for up to an hour doing all that.. I'm going to let the one I like best pick first etc... I started the first one Sat. night, and it's almost done.. The next one is going to have the letter of the school on the ends (fingers crossed), I'm going to do one with a paw print (for the mascot) and I'm still searching for a pattern of the school mascot... I'm really hoping I don't have to try to make my own pattern.. But we'll see..
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